We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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