apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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