Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
