Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
