Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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