i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
