i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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