i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
