i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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