I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
