yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
