So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
