If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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