i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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