I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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