he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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