I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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