I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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