Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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