i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
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i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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