Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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