cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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