she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
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Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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