just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
