I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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