btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Slut skills are useful in every country.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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