Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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