after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
