i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
