you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
