i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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