it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
