my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Congratulations! We have a period
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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