Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just cropdusted the office
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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