I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
