I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
