We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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