So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
