i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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