It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
