he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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