the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize