guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
