He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
