I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
