Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's just like the Real World with babies
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
