Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The air taste purple.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
