if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
