even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
