God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
