So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
sarcasm needs its own font
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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