I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
