I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
