Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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