Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
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My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize