"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
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I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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