just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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