eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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