It's Friday. Sex?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
