There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
