This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
