He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
