Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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