Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
i now understand why vodka
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
