i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize