dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
