garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
