He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
