That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
