I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
