What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
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I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
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hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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