Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
