We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize