i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize